The Zoo: MSTified!!!
by ceemonster
Summary: ASIG's story THE ZOO gets MSTified by two pesky board members.


**Caitlin: Greetings everyone! This is Caitlin (a.k.a. Little Bird)**

**Chris: And I'm Chris (a.k.a. Armslore). And we want to welcome you to the first installment of The Lost World: MSTified.**

**Caitlin: We'd like to take this time to tell you that no authors, producers, copyrights, dinosaurs, or marshmallows were hurt during this production.**

**Chris: Also, we'd like to thank our very dear friend, ASIG, for letting us MSTify his story, "THE ZOO."**

**Caitlin: So sit back…………**

**Chris: And relax...**

**Caitlin: But watch out for Gollywoggles!**

**Chris: Uhh…………okay…………how about you just enjoy the story.**

**THE ZOO**Malone and Roxton walked through the jungles of the Lost World on another bright and sunny day.

**Caitlin: Instead of a bright and cloudy day.**

All was calm and peaceful today, so far at least.

**Chris: Yeah, they didn't have the women with them…………nag nag nag!**

**Caitlin: *Glares***

Suddenly, Malone stopped.

**Chris: I think he dropped his contact lens. Nobody move!**

"Do hear that noise?" Malone asked Roxton.

**Caitlin: (Roxton) Did it kind of sound like a really weird growl?**

**Chris: (Malone) Yeah!**

**Caitlin: (Roxton) The kind a hungry dinosaur makes?**

**Chris: (Malone) Yeah!**

**Caitlin: (Roxton) But only when it is being chased by a killer rabbit in the middle of the July?**

**Chris: (Malone) Yes! Yes! Yes!**

**Caitlin: (Roxton) Nope...I didn't hear a thing.**

"Why yes," Lord John replied, "it sounds like………… creaking."

"Well," said Malone, "then that could only mean…………"

**Chris: (Malone) Someone left the barn door open again.**

The ground beneath them gave way, and Malone and Roxton fell down into a room, a very large room. 

**Caitlin: Oh no! It's the Gollywoggles! Gollywoggles are very tricky. They like the dark. And they can dig. Not just large rooms, but very large rooms…………**

**Chris: Could it be the Bat Cave?**

There were cages on each side, each very long and extending all the way to the ceiling.

**Chris:** **Sounds like my school…………**

There was light in here coming from somewhere another than the hole in the ceiling the two explorers just created. 

"What is this place?" asked Malone looking around.

**Caitlin: The Land of Oz!**

**Chris: Burger King!**

**Caitlin: Pittsburgh.**

**Chris: Disneyworld.**

Roxton gazed around too, "I don't know, but look there. Different dinosaurs in each cage, like some sort of collection."

**Caitlin: I only collect coins, dragons, and human heads…………I don't have any dinosaurs. *pouts***

"Yeah," said Malone, seeing it too, "you have your Brontosaurs, Pterodactyls, Stegosaurs…………"

**Caitlin: Lions and tigers and bears!**

**Chris: Oh my………….err…………did I just say that?**

**Caitlin: *grins evilly* Yup!**

"I wouldn't be surprised to see some Raptors or T-Rex's further down," commented Roxton.

"Look at this," said Malone, pointing at a series of cages to his left.

**Chris: (Malone) It says "Order here"...we can get something called a "Big Mac".**

**Caitlin: (Roxton) Look just below it! It says "Pull up to the next window"……**

"Why," said Roxton, "those are Apemen."

**Caitlin: What, no ape_women_? Discrimination!**

**Chris: Maybe this guy understands the importance of silence…………**

**Caitlin: *glares***

"Some of them," confirmed Malone, "but those down there are just apes. Look at the pattern, they're Apemen in a series, carefully bread to keep an evolutionary chain going. Some of these specimens are even extinct from the plateau. This is incredible!"

**Caitlin: We''ll return to "Ned Malone''s Scientific Discoveries" in a moment. In the meanwhile, we invite you to rejoin our REAL story.**

"Fascinating," said Roxton, "you're beginning to sound like Challenger."

**Chris: Or Steve Irwin...**

**Caitlin: Nah...more like Jack Hanna.**

"Well," said Malone, "aren't you the least bit interested by this?"

**Chris: (Roxton) Only if it involves guns...or Marguerite...or more guns.**

"Right now," said Roxton, "I'm more concerned with finding a way out of here."

"Wait," said Malone, "you aren't just going to leave here are you?"

**Both: Uh...yeah!**

"That's my preference," said Roxton.

"But all these creatures," said Malone, "locked up against their will. We can't just let them stay here like this. Veronica wouldn't have it."

**Caitlin: Neither would all those animal rights organizations...**

**Chris: But they are sooo entertaining…………**

"Since when have you been so concerned about what Veronica thinks?" asked Roxton, Malone was a little embarrassed."I say we just leave. There's nothing of value here, and whatever captured all of these is far more powerful than you or I."

**Caitlin: Gollywoggles are also very strong...**

**Chris: Not again! You talk about Gollywoggles one more time, and I'll staple your mouth shut!**

**Caitlin: But you don''t have any staples...or a stapler.**

**Chris: Uhh...True...But I bet I could find some tape!*starts searching through his pockets***

"'Nothing of value,'" said Malone, "that sounds a lot like Marguerite talking to me. And since when have you cared so much about what she thinks?"

**Chris: Oooooo, Jerry! Jerry!**

**Caitlin: Ha! They're wrapped around the women's fingers...like it should be! *Grins evilly***

**Chris: *glares* Now where is that tape…………**

"Well…………" said Roxton at a loss for words, "then maybe we should try to help these 'specimens."'

"Actually," said Malone, "I was thinking that maybe we should just leave. We could always come back with the others."

"Why not just free our friends now," said Roxton, "and hope we don''t get eaten in the process. What an adventure, eh?

**Caitlin: When did Roxton become Canadian? 'Eh?'**

Okay, let's just go."

**Chris: *looks up from the kitchen drawer that magically appeared* Why can't they make up their minds? We should have stuck to a Veronica/Marguerite story... *Grins suddenly***

**Caitlin: Oh no, that would leave too many openings for young, gutter-minded boys... besides, Gollywoggles usually only attack men, duh! *Ducks***

**Chris: That's it! *Goes back to searching for the tape***

"You've changed your mind again!" Malone exclaimed, "but you've just convinced me, we have to stay."

"Oh," said Roxton, "this is ridiculous."

**Caitlin: No, THIS is ridiculous. *points to Chris who is half sticking out of a treasure chest, tossing gems away in search for the elusive tape.* **

**Chris: *pops up* What is?!? **

**Caitlin: Oh...um...nothing...*Smiles innocently***

**Chris: Okay...anyway, I couldn't find the tape...**

**Caitlin: *Does the anime sweat drop thing* Whew!**

**Chris: But I did find a half eaten Hershey's bar...want a bite?**

**Caitlin: No thanks...**

"You're right it is," Malone agreed, "but we have to decide something."

"Well," Roxton thought, "it is safest that way. And like you said we can always come back."

**Caitlin: Not if you get eaten you can't. **

"Okay," said Malone, "we''ll do that then."

"Good," Roxton told him, "finally we agree on something. Now, which way should we go to find an exit?"

**Chris: *holds up a blinking, red 'Exit' sign***

"I think that way!" Malone exclaimed, pointing behind them.

"Why that way?" Roxton asked calmly.

**Caitlin: (Malone) Because my Magic 8 Ball said so……**

**Chris: (Roxton) Really? I usually only get 'Ask again later'.**

"Because that way doesn't look too inviting!"

Roxton looked up and stared ahead to see six pairs of red eyes. They were getting closer to Malone and himself and they were moving fast.

**Chris: Sounds like a………….Toyota Landcruiser with brush lights…………**

**Caitlin: Men…………**

**Chris: *sticks his tongue out at her***

**Caitlin: *Grabs his tongue* Now what are you going to do? Huh?**

"What are they?" said Roxton, sparked with curiosity, he began to take aim with his rifle.

**Caitlin: Gollywoggles!!!! *lets go of Chris' tongue and yelps in fear* Oh no!**

Malone pointed the butt of the rifle down, 

**Chris: Does that make any sense? "Butt of the rifle down"?…………**

and said, "How about we don't stick around here to find out!?"

The two men ran for what seemed like a mile down the long hallway. 

**Caitlin: Funny, it didn't "seem" that long before…………**

**Chris: Maybe it grew on them…………**

**Caitlin: Punny, Chris.**

Seeing dozens of unfamiliar species locked in the cages.

"Just think if Challenger were here?" asked Roxton.

"Then we'd be doomed for sure," Malone joked.

Finally the two approached the end of the long hall. Propped up against a wall was a wooden ladder, and up above was a small door.

**Chris: How very convenient…………**

"Do you think that door's going to open for us?" asked Malone.

**Caitlin: Try 'open sesame!' It always works in these kinds of situations. **

"I'd rather take my chances with that door than those monsters!" exclaimed Roxton, who started to climb the ladder.

**Chris: Maybe they just want to be your friends…………**

**Caitlin: I didn't think Barney lived in the Lost World.**

**Chris: "I love you, you love me, we're a Lost World fam-il-y……"**

"Hurry up," Malone told him, "those…………'Things' are getting closer."

**Caitlin: No...they should try throwing marshmallows at them!**

"There, to the top," Roxton said, "now to just open this door………… There! Got it!

**Chris: Got milk?**

**Caitlin: Oh! Now that they have milk and marshmallows, they should get some chocolate and make hot cocoa! You guys want some cookies?**

Come on Malone," Roxton was saying, now already out of the door and holding out a hand to help Malone up, "climb fast."

**Caitlin: I'm sure he needed the encouragement…………**

Malone began to climb the ladder. At this point, the creatures with the red eyes were right on top of him. Malone was very near the top, he reached for Roxton's hand, and suddenly the ladder gave out from under him. 

**Chris: Going down, Malone?**

Roxton leaned as far as he could, and managed to snag Malone by the hand. 

**Caitlin: I wanna hold your hand....I wanna hold your hand.**

**Chris: The fifth Beatle, everyone!**

**Caitlin: *Bows***

Malone pulled his other hand up and tried to climb out, with Roxton's assistance. The red-eyed creatures were jumping trying to rip into Malone.

**Caitlin: (Creature)*Thinking* Hmm..bet he tastes just like chicken.**

When Malone looked down he saw a furry creature jumping and trying to desperately to grab him. 

**Chris: Daddy mac will make ya...**

**Caitlin: Jump, jump!**

**Chris: I bet they're Furbies…………**

**Caitlin: Furbies are evil! But not as evil as Gollywoggles.**

**Chris: (Furby) " Me, Tolu, me eat your brains……"**

In order to avoid getting bit, Malone had to lift his legs as far as he could. Eventually, the good Lord John Roxton was able to pull him up.

"Thanks," said Malone, both men were breathing heavy, "what were those things? Some kind of wolves."

"Have you ever seen wolves that stand on two legs?" said Roxton,

**Caitlin: Nope...they are-**

**Chris: Gollywoggles...we know, we know!**

**Caitlin: Actually, smarty, they aren't. Gollywoggles** **don't stand on two legs. They stand on four. Snozewangers on the other hand...**

**Chris: Not again...**

Malone gave him a look begging for more detail, for his journals no doubt,

**Caitlin: The old puppy-dog-eyes-give-me-more-details-for-my-journal trick! Second time I fell for that this month!**

but Roxton just turned, began walking, and said, "let's get back to the treehouse."

Malone waited for a brief moment, then said, "Right," he jogged up to Roxton and the two of them walked to their home among the trees.

**Chris: Just like that? Malone almost became living KFC and yet they just walk away?**

**Caitlin: Will someone please, think of the Gollywoggles?**

**Chris: Next time they get hungry, they should collect a specimen of "Big Mac".**

**Caitlin: I don't know. But it looks like our time is up. So, to all you viewers out there...**

**Both: Stay "MSTified!"**

**Chris: Don't be afraid to make fun of yourselves…………**

**Caitlin: …………Or each other.**

**Chris: ( As they fade out ) Now, would the Gollywoggles want fries with that Big Mac?**

**Caitlin: I was wondering more along the lines of pickles or not…………**

**Chris: Interesting………….**


End file.
